Everything Is Energy. Energy Is Everything.
A reader asked me to expand more on what I mean when I say, “Everything is energy, and energy is everything.” As a newly certified Reiki practitioner, I think this is a perfect time to reflect on the concept of energy and answer that question. Let's start with "everything is energy."
Everything Is Energy
Everything in the tangible universe is made up of something we call matter. Matter is made up of atoms. I find it amazing that scientists have directly imaged actual atoms and have devised methods to configure them, too.
Now... Atoms are (typically) made up of subatomic particles called protons, neutrons, and electrons. (And if you’re wondering if there’s anything smaller than a proton, neutron, or electron, the answer is yes. There are classes of elementary particles called Fermions and Bosons. Fermions are further divided into Quarks and Leptons.)
These elementary particles are forms of energy whose attributes (electrical charge, gravitation, strong force, and weak force) govern the makeup and behavior of atoms. Scientists are confident enough in the existence of elementary particles that they are now included in the standard model of physics, but we have only been able to infer their existence through indirect observation.
So there you have it: Quite literally, everything is energy. Atoms are made up of energy, and we—along with our tangible universe—are made up of atoms.
Time Is An Illusion
The funny thing about epiphanies is that they are so powerful yet so personal. They are literally life-altering for the experiencer, but may be a common and accepted idea for another person all together.
— TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of death —
As I was really starting to heal from my depression, I felt better in so many ways; except there was one thing that would give me panic attacks: the concept of death, or rather the idea of nothingness after life.
Unfortunately, religion provided no comfort for me…not mine, nor anyone else’s. So night after night, I would lie awake trying to decode the mysteries of the universe until my brain would begin to spin and spin until ... well, have you seen those cartoon robots whose heads explode trying to solve a paradox? Kind of like that... a human divide by zero error.
My breathing would get faster, my heart would start to race, adrenaline would start pumping, and before I knew it, I was hyperventilating or crying uncontrollably. I would hide it by going outside and staring up at the stars. I would talk to my loved ones who had passed away, not knowing if they could actually hear me. Of course, I would talk about this with my therapist as well, but it unfortunately wasn't helping.
On this night, though, after breathing in some cold night air to pacify my thoughts, I decided to approach it from a different angle.
When I was a teenager, I was obsessed with the concept of time. I even wrote a series of poems about the abstractness of time when I was about 14 or 15. I thought that if I could understand the concept of time, maybe I would gain some insight into the nature of the universe.
I closed my eyes and did my best to picture the entire universe. Then, using the Big Bang as my starting point, I rewound the formation of the entire universe in my mind as if I were rewinding a movie, all the while asking WHY time exists, not “how.”
When I arrived at the universe's beginning, I realized that time had no meaning for the singularity because there was no “WHY.” For a singular mass of energy that existed only unto itself, there was no reason for time to exist. That must mean time only exists when there are two ore more entities in the universe interacting with each other. I pictured two balls of glowing energy revolving around each other as if they were dancing, exchanging a flow of energy between them.
That's when I realized ... Einstein didn’t just understand and explain the physics and math of general relativity; he identified WHY time itself exists.
Like elementary particles, we infer time exists as an indirect observation. In reality, I believe time exists as an effect in the cause-and-effect relationship of energy exchange and state change. Time is not a cause of anything.
To confirm this, I reached out to a couple of co-workers who are quantum physicists and asked them a “simple” question: What is time?
One responded that there is no good answer. Another said that a second can most accurately be measured by a cesium atom. But, I responded, that’s something we backed into after we arbitrarily defined what a second is. The way we divide time is solely applicable to our hyper-locality—where we live on our planet Earth which revolves around our sun in our solar system. The same second has no meaning anywhere else in our universe.
This led me to a number of conclusions about time and the dimensionality of the universe; that unfortunately time travel to the past is not possible, and we can only predict the future based on the accuracy of the variables we are able to define. In essence, there exists only NOW. I’ve heard others say this, but I never truly understood it until I went through this intellectual exercise. Time is indeed an illusion, which must mean that energy is everything.
Energy is Everything
My newfound understanding of the universe helped me conquer my fear of death. I now understand that for existence itself to be possible, there is a source of energy that many call God, and it makes up everything, including us. It is in us and all around us. It can observe our universe from a perspective no human can have. The energy that exists inside and animates everything (Chi/Ki/Qi) all comes from the same source. This must mean that how we decide to use that energy is really what matters. This concept is what brought me from wild theory to personal improvement.
My depression has been very real and local to me, regardless of what happens elsewhere in the universe. And if my depression is real and local to me, that means I’m also impacting people around me. To heal from my depression, I needed to find a way to improve my emotional well-being while being a positive force for those around me. So, I focused on that idea: how we decide to use our energy is what really matters.
As many who have experienced depression will tell you, the littlest tasks can be the biggest challenge. While I was putting all my available energy into work to support my family, I felt like I had no energy left to do anything else. Ironically, work gave me the answer I so desperately sought: whenever we propose a new solution, we necessarily have to calculate the financial impact to ensure we maximize our return on investment (ROI).
That’s when it hit me.
Return On Energy
Many of you have heard the term “return on investment” or ROI. If you haven’t, it is a calculation that compares how much money you earn from an investment. In the US, dollars are the monetary unit used to invest. But in the actions of every day life, energy is MY currency to invest in whatever I want. So, how do I maximize my Return on Energy (ROE)?
As an IT architect, I'm used to assessing customers’ needs for whomever I design solutions. As a husband and father, I know that my family also has needs. Because of my depression, however, many of those needs were going unmet. So I took stock of all the activities in which I invested my time, and realized I had to scale back my energy investments in the extracurriculars, and focus on the things that mattered most—the needs of my most important “customers" ... my family.
I withdrew from many of the non-essential extracurricular activities in which I participated that were draining my energy. Amongst other things, I stopped going to lodge when I was one chair away from becoming the master of the lodge. I stepped down from the Scotch whiskey appreciation group I founded and led. I stopped watching the news. I stopped using social media. I transitioned my leadership on extracurricular teams at work to more junior folks, giving them a chance to grow. I also stopped drinking alcohol altogether. I rarely drank to begin with, and other than Scotch, I never liked alcohol and realized it was a depressant that easily zapped what energy I had.
By pulling back all my energy from the things I thought were investments, I was able to use my newfound wealth of energy to improve the situation at home, starting with the little things.
As I mentioned previously, those who have experienced depression will tell you the littlest tasks can be the biggest challenge. So when I saw something that needed to be done, I would ask myself "What's the ROE of doing this?"
Some examples:
If I walked by the sink filled with dishes, I would stop and do the dishes. Easy ROE because it meant my wife didn't have to do them, which gave her more time back to do things she wants. Easy win.
I began making dinner more frequently. Again, something to take off her to-do list that was causing her so much stress. Plus I'm a better cook, so win-win.
I mowed the lawn more instead of paying someone to do it. This not only saved me money, but provided exercise (critical for people with depression), and the opportunity to listen to music and podcasts that elevated my mood.
These may not sound like big deals to the average person, but in these things I found my energy expense was small, and the return was huge because it improved the quality of life at home exponentially.
When it came to socialization, this started out as a tricky situation. I had to accept the fact that I was now an introvert, and social situations drained my energy quickly. This was especially difficult because my wife is a social butterfly. Once upon a time, I was, too. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go out with friends or go to special events; I just had to be cognizant of my energy levels at all times. So, though it may seem like a waste, we began taking separate cars to events or friends’ houses when I knew she would want to stay later than I could manage. I was self-conscious about this at first because I was worried about what our friends would think. But then I realized that because they’re friends, they would understand that it’s not about them and that I love them dearly. It’s about my need to closely manage my energy so that I can wisely invest it.
You may ask "Isn't this just prioritization?" In a sense, yes, but prioritization is transactional, while ROE is more about mindfulness and empowerment. Just thinking about the word "prioritization" can be exhausting and overwhelming. In the world of give and take, prioritzation is often dictated based on what others are asking of you, while ROE is based on what I can give and the benefit resulting from performing those tasks.
And doesn't giving always feels better than taking?
Armed with this philosophy, I’m now on the path to maximizing ROE to the benefit my family and myself.
Return on energy … so simple. When it comes to how we show up in life, energy is ... well ... everything!