Thank Pod(casts) - Ask/Seek/Knock
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Well, I had every intention of writing at least one post per week since my last one, but life happens and there you go. The good news is that I don't think I'll go to hell for missing a self-defined and self-imposed blog submission deadline. Other things, maybe, but certainly not because I couldn't spend time writing.
Why did I stop writing so abruptly, yet again? It's not for a lack of topics to write about. I've got about 60 posts in various states of draft. It's because depression is a bitch, and when it gets ahold of your ego, it's like a pit-bull that is mauling you with self-criticism instead of teeth.
So what's got me back to writing? An uncanny string of synchronicities over the last two weeks. It's funny... Ever since I had my spiritual awakening, I've become more open to asking for signs. As it says in Matthew 7:7, "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
Why is a Jewish person quoting the New Testament?
Because hey, a Good Book is a good book!
So anyway, that's what I did; I asked for a sign if I should stay the path and keep writing. The signs came through via some of the podcasts I frequent these days.
Synchronicity 1:
A Sign From My Better Angels
Two weeks ago on August 4th, I had an appointment with my therapist from 12:30 - 1:30 PM. We spent the time talking about the anniversary of my dad's passing, family drama, etc. She always makes sure to ask "what went right?" or "what was good?". Before we wrapped up, I asked one last question. It went something like this...
"The thing about shared experiences is that you have someone else there to validate that it happened. Even if two people don't remember something EXACTLY the same, or even if you have a picture or movie instead of another person, there is validation that something happened. So without that validation, how do I know if my belief in my spiritual awakening actually reflects reality? In other words, did it really happen? Am I just making this up in my head?"
Later that afternoon, at approximately 5PM, I was in my car listening to "Angels & Awakenings" hosted by Julie Janicus. Julie had just posted a new episode called "Angels Sending Signs of Love Through Handwritten Recipes" in which she discusses messages from her friend Carly's grandmother.
Let me just say that I am glad I was stopped at a red light, because at the 8:29 mark, this is how the conversation went:
Julie: "For each of us - for me, for you, for every single healer - our egoic minds can get in the way and say 'But am I making this up? Is this just me?'"
Carly: "I think that's the work I'm realizing as I'm moving through my journey is ... it's really wonderful to share validation with people, and that's why these podcasts exist. Because we all need it; I need it. Profound things happening all the time, and I think that's the egoic mind coming in and saying 'no, no, no.' But I feel like the work is in knowing and feeling that joy, and knowing it doesn't matter who else feels it; who else sees the sign; who else--- ... it is a language between me and G-d and it is beautiful and profound, and it honestly can't be articulated. But at the same time, because it can't be articulated, it can sometimes seem like it's not real."
Articulated perfectly.
Thank you, Julie and Carly.
Synchronicity 2:
Energy is Everything
My dad passed away August 3, 1998. This year has been 24 years since he's been gone. Grief is a funny thing. These days my grief-driven anxiety peaks in the days leading up to August 3rd, and then again the days following. But for some reason, on August 3rd these last few years, I would go most of the day without thinking about it being "the day" until I get a text from my mom or my sister saying "Just checking in..."
Maybe it's because the Hebrew calendar is different from the Gregorian, which means there is - in practicality - 2 days of mourning to consider. Maybe it's because grief is just weird and unpredictable. Who knows why?
So of course come August 4th I started thinking about it again... more and more... remembering the days leading up to his passing, the day he died, the events leading up to the funeral, and the days that followed. On August 8th, I started thinking about a good friend of mine who took amazing care of me the days following my dad's passing. We were, in fact, just friends, but good friends. I would stay at her apartment quite a bit. She would stroke my hair (that was when I had hair) and hold me until I fell asleep. The last time we chatted was about 4 years ago, so I had to send her a little note thanking her again for everything she did for me those 24 years ago.
Later that day I decided to listen to another one of my go-tos, "Third Eye Awakening" hosted by Amy Belair. A few days prior, she had posted her weekly "Energy Report for August 5-11, 2022".
Amy uses Tarot to divine the week's energy for her listeners. This particular week, Amy had "a jumper" which means that when she's shuffling, one of the cards voluntarily jumps out of the deck as if to say "I'm not one of the ones you'll pick, but I'm important and need to be included." Evidently, this hasn't happened in her readings for some time.
Then she went into the overall reading for the week.
"The first card, six of cups, is talking about emotional nostalgia. So, looking back through the memories of our lives with that emotional, nostalgic feeling. [...] Looking back on our lives and appreciating the accumulation of experiences that we've had that shaped who we are, but also feeling a degree of removal from it. It's such an interesting experience. It's ... feeling the memories and the emotional impression they have made on us."
Just thinking about it feels like a hug.
Thank you, Amy.
Synchronicity 3:
This Time It's Personal
Those first two synchronicities were enough for me to tell my family about them. I had a few more happen between that second one and this one, but I only wrote down these 3.
So, like I did when I had my spiritual awakening (which I still have yet to write about), I said out loud, "Ok, those have been pretty 'in my face' synchronicities, but I need something really personal, please."
Few things could have been more personal than the message I got when listening to another one of my favorite podcasts, "The Positive Head Podcast" hosted by Brandon Beachum.
See, when my oldest daughter was born 16 years ago, I made myself a promise. I made it again almost 13 years ago when my youngest was born. I have shared this promise time and time again with others who were about to become parents. The promise was this:
I will never use the phrase "I can't wait until..." I'd never say "I can't wait until she can crawl, or walk, or talk, or sleep better, or be old enough to _____ (fill in the blank). I will never wish that time away. I want to appreciate every stage, every moment for what it is. The rest will come, but I will not rush it along."
So this past Saturday, August 13th, there I was in the car again (that's when I listen to my podcasts), listening to an episode Brandon published called "Don't Pick Your Fruit Early." It is an episode about aligning with divine timing.. to everything there is a season, and all that.
One of my favorite things Brandon says is at the start of the episode:
"You don't dance to get a particular spot on the dance floor. You don't listen to a song to get to the last note. There's a process in your life, and in the unfolding of the things you wish to come to fruition. The fruit you are looking to yield in your life next."
He then goes on to talk about the process of fruit ripening, and how there's a perfect time to pick it... too early, and it's not ripe; too late, and it rots.
THEN! THEN!
Then, at about the 5 minute mark, Brandon mentioned something his friend Shane said to him a few years back:
"I stopped saying I can't wait for anything. It disrespects the now. It disempowers the now, and what is here that has shown up in the only moment that ever exists... the now moment."
So now, instead of "I can't wait for this", Shane says "I'm looking forward to..."
I have literally never heard anyone else say that before.
Thank you, Brandon (and Shane).
Obviously, I've given these synchronicities a lot of thought. Individually, any one of them could ride on the backbone of pure coincidence. When these things cluster, though, it really feels like something else; something more. Something that eventually just cannot be ignored.
So here I go again, down a path I started a little over a year ago. I've stopped on the side of the road a few times to take a few breaths and wallow in "the point of it all". But I believe I have seen clear signs to keep pressing forward, and I have found some good guides to help me on my journey. I will keep writing in the event some day it helps someone else. I don't know if my destination - whatever it may be - is one to look forward to, but hey... what's the hurry? I can wait.