The Nexus
I've recently started looking at the universe through a new lens. It is something I will write a lot more about in another blog post (or more), but I'll sum it up this way.
Everything is Energy & Energy is Everything
Scientifically, this is true.
What does that mean to my spirituality?
Logically, historically, and ethnically, I identify with my Judaism. Spiritually, however, I feel unfulfilled by it. The weird thing is that I think it is supposed to be that way.
Why do I say that...?
As Jews, we are children of Israel. Y'Israel in Hebrew means "wrestles with G-d" and refers to Jacob changing his name to Y'Israel after an "event" in which he spends the night wrestling with an angel. It is debated whether this angel was G-d, an angel of G-d, a dream, or something else entirely, but it made enough of an impression on Jacob that he knew he was no longer the same person he was the day before. I can relate.
Why is this important?
Whenever I sought spiritual guidance - during Hebrew school, when my mom got sick, when my parents split, when my dad died, after 9/11, when a good friend passed away leaving behind her husband and 3 kids, during COVID, and many, many times in between and since all those events - I have typically gone to my Rabbi and asked the stereotypical questions of someone who is scared and wants the answers to the unanswerable.
"What happens after we die?"
"Why do good things happen to bad people?"
"If G-d is supposed to be loving, why is there so much hate?"
The answer (singular) was always the same...
"What do you think?"
This was never good enough for me. My whole life I believed - and now I finally accepted - that my truth lies somewhere in the middle of science and spirituality.
The middle.
It's an interesting place;
a nexus of sorts, where something isn't one or the other.
It's both.
Simultaneously.
No up or down, just superposition.
No nature vs. nurture, rather nature and nurture.
No right or left, but ambidexterity.
No right or wrong, but acceptance.
A place where melody gives us beauty and feeling
and harmony gives us strength and support.
Where greed yields to the common good,
and balance governs the rules of physics and spirituality.
Both.
Simultaneously.
Together.
With this realization, I decided to embrace my spirituality instead of keeping it at arms length. Finding no solace in my typical go-to's, I decided to seek counsel from spiritual advisors who believe in energy, and while they may respect biblical texts, they are not driven by them. This is important to me because these texts alone, in their attempt to spread morality, have been endless sources and victims of conflict and greed.
I wanted to find something that connected me to the universe through something objectively and universally accepted, without indoctrinating me to a strict set of beliefs. Where my Judaism can actually flourish because through the lens of energy, things start to make more and more sense.
I'll be honest. It still feels new to me. A little strange, but very right.
Everything is energy, and energy is everything.